would you hang around on my life's shop for awhile?

(sit in participant of creative writing class)

How Was Life?

Hell-o.

It’s me,  a 151cm’s-20-years-old-girl. People call me Winny, or Winyu, or Winyaan – just  like my twitter’s profile account. I am now majoring Japanese Literature in this university, but no no, I am not that freaking otaku, my Japanese is even poor.

I’d like to tell you a bit of my life story. A bit, because if i tell you all of them, it’s gonna take  your whole life for being beside me. Okay. Let me.

20 years ago, when my mom was about my age, she gave birth of me  on some-little-island-near-by Sumatera, Bangka Island. As the first daughter, first grand daughter from both side of my parents. My childhood was nice thought it wasn't perfect. My parents got divorced after my birth, my mom lived in Bandung for work, my father was out of nowhere. I lived with my grandparents from my mom for 5 years. I called them Mom and Dad, i did not recognize my Mom when she showed up. It took times for me to get to know her, but eventually I got use to.

I was living my life well, i was happy, couldn't be happier. I grew up with my 4-years-above-me auntie, we both are my grandpa’s lovely kids. We got into the same school since kindergarten. We grew up as a smart kid, i was motivated by her. Life was perfect that time. I had what i needed. Perfect for me.

2000.

But it did not take long. My grandma passed away when i was 6 years, my grandpa followed her right a year later. I was sad, i was falling. My auntie too. My mom was stumbling. We both moved from our big-old house to my another  auntie’s house. Following her when she got  married. We lived together for about 2 years. I moved my school to entirely new place, i could not really remember it. It is disguised. The memories i had are pretty hazy for now. After some months , my mom got problem with my auntie that we had to move out. The funny thing was, we moved to my grandparents of my father’s house. Awkward, yes. But, what the hell did i know? I just followed my Mom. She was the only person i knew i could hang on to. Up till now.

I met my father almost everyday, but we did not talk much. My mom met him too. Of course it was awkward to meet a guy who you ever married with and live under the same roof. Day by day, I forced me to get used to. Thanking God that my grandparents from my father love me as much as my grandparents did. I am their first-and-long-lost grandchild, and suddenly meeting them was kind of weird. I don’t know. My life has been always a comedy i think.

2006.

I got into a favorite school. Meeting new kids who were having a totally different background of my life was quite hard. I could only compete them in academic ways. That encouraged me much, so was mom. She was so strict about my school, my academic thingy. Complicated life made her hard to me too. I was not too close to her. But yeah, fortunately, my school’s life was nice. After some months, we moved out again to my another grandmother’s house. Much much far away from here. I did not remember exactly when and why. I think the way my brain works is like deleting some parts of the bad and exhausting memories i had. I lost some related facts in this stage.

What i remember was, when i was in the 6th grade, my Mom finally got married. No, not remarried with my real father, she met this man while she was working. I was quite shock for sure. I never really had a Dad, more over a family. I was confused but i did accept. That man was so nice. Much nicer than my real dad. i thanked God of this.

A new and subtle life i just had was nice. I got a sister 1 year later, and another one a year later. And another one 10 years later. As i started to enroll to junior high school, we moved to our first old house. I was taken back to my childhood. In a very different situations which never crossed my mind –sure, i was 7 years that time, how would a 7 years little girl think of it?—.

I met my old friends again in this junior high. I was me again. I did a lot of achievements in my early teenager’s phase. I joined science olympiad, and found my interest speaking in English by speech. I won some competitions and going out of town and that little island. I saw the  more things out of my home, my school and my town. I was so lucky over the opportunities. I was lucky being me. I also had my first love, my first heart breaking and my first complicated relationships as a human being. Up till now, i could never have a long lasting friendship. I had this trusting and needless issues. i don’t really understand. This stage of life was much to tell. Let us skip this and move to my senior high school!

So, here we are in my senior high.

I got into this boarding school which meant living separated with parent, i was okay with. Totally fine unlike my other friends. I think that was because i was not over attached with a family, you know, the result of my last 15 years life. In this boarding, i was living with my another 54 friends. 24 hours under the same roof, eat in the same room, lived like the army. Oh my.. this part of life is much much more to tell. Okay, i’ll just tell you some part i remember the most.

 Wait.

I remember them all to well. Ugh. Where should i start and what should i skip?

it was started at 2007. 

3 years living there with so much sweet bitterness. I learnt what i could do, and what i did do.  In this stage i  experienced a  lot. Troubles, understandings, acceptance, opportunities, ignorance, etc.

I am now is much less what i did here. Since i did not talk much with my parents, i learnt discovering my own values and principles. I am what i read. I read a lot, i learnt how life works and how should i react. I grew with pretty different opinion; tastes; point of view and or way to work on something than friends on my age. I am now is what i've been reading.

oh, I once  got bullied because defended my way. It was started when we got this outsider-friend who just came into our class on 2nd year. At first, people were nice to her, i did not care because i was busy on something else. And somehow after some times they turned over and got her like an enemy. I did not understand how their mind worked, like, seriously? They were like bootlicker at the first time, and out of nowhere they were against her. Me, who was from the place never really interest of her existence’s issue, did not care what they did. I kept maintaining our friendship, and it got better from time to time. I did get ignored when in school and in boarding as well. They gossiped all the time and accused me as betrayal. Nobody talked to me in room. I lived a quiet life. I did not care. My other friends who were still in sanity told me just to say sorry and end the old war. I said no, not ever.

This condition occurred for month and month.

And suddenly it just stopped. out of the blue they started to call me again like nothing ever happened. *put a poker face here*. 

again, i did not care. Life continued. 

on 2008 i joined a speech competition. i had been enrolling  this competition since years ago. In that one competition, i did not win. but i got a much much better chance. 

i was offered a scholarship, JENESYS, to Japan. Long story short i got in, i went to Japan for 2 weeks with my other 4 friends. What a gift.

I learnt that God will replace things we lost with the better ones. Up till now.

Years went by, we were all --just like the other senior high-- was struggling for the college. Me? nah, i had no idea where would i go. Both interest and my ability were in between. I did join Biology Olympiad and got through pretty well, but i could not imagine my life with those horribly thick books to read. I was pretty good in English, but my teacher told me not to take English Literature since i should try something new. 

hell yeah.

Gambling. I was.

As you all knew, on 2010, there were some ways to enroll the university, there were SIMAK UI, UM UGM, Penelusuran Bibit Unggul for UGM,  Private University, and last, SNMPTN.

while my other friends were trying out each of them, i did not. Not because i did not want to; the money. Those tests were pretty expensive i could not afford them. Anyway, what i knew was my school only paying for my college if got through it by SNMPTN. So, yes. I only participated in SNMPTN. 

another long story short, i did get to UGM, Japanese Literature. I was so glad i did not have to go to private university. i might never have to go to college if that so.

so there I was, going out of town. my mom told me to go far, as far as possible if i do really want to study. and I did. Since living far away from parents is not a big deal, i got through my life here pretty well. I adapted well, I was not being a crying-little-girl-missing-her-home. Whether it's a good thing or not, i am glad i am me. 

***

It is almost 3 years I've been learning Japanese, and yet, I still am poor. I don't know where this would lead me. It WAS frustrating for the first 1 year, but as time goes by I teach my self to just accept and do what i could do. C'est la vie people say. 

There are times I feel clueless and left behind, but knowing that I still have home to come back to, and people I love to hang on to, I always believe things will be better eventually.

hup!

there was a bit of my life store-y. would you mind to come visit and buy some? :))

じゃね！(pronounce : jya ne! Japanese way to say : See you!)

ps: i feel obligated to put some Japanese here :p